Christmas after Separation
Christmas shared between two households is a reality that many children face.
Christmas in separated families can be a unique challenge, but it also offers an opportunity to create new traditions and positive, memorable experiences for children. The way it unfolds often depends on the level of cooperation and understanding between the parents, as well as their ability to view the situation from their children's perspective and prioritize their experience.
While all of these suggestions wont suit every family, here are several ways that may help enhance children’s experience during this festive season:
Develop Shared Traditions: Create unique traditions that can be shared between both households. This may include the children wearing their favourite Christmas pj’s regardless of which house they wake up in, making snacks for Santa and putting out reindeer food on the letterbox, lighting a candle on Christmas Day for significant family members who are no longer alive. Supporting traditions in both households remind children that regardless of being separated, both parents are involved and care about their happiness.
Create Separate Yet Special Celebrations: there will also be new traditions and celebrations that are unique to each household. These can be supported and encouraged by both parents without it becoming a competition of who’s parent has the best Christmas.
Encourage Open Dialogue: Foster an environment where children feel safe expressing their feelings about the holidays. Listen to their worries and preferences, and involve them in conversations about how they would like to celebrate. This empowers them and makes them feel valued.
Be Mindful of Their Emotions: Recognize that children may experience mixed feelings about spending time with each parent and may feel loyalty conflicts. Acknowledging their emotions and reassuring them that it’s okay to miss the other parent can help them process their experiences.
Plan Fun Activities: Engage children in fun holiday activities that bring joy and excitement. Whether it's attending local festivities, or enjoying movie nights with holiday classics, creating happy moments can leave lasting memories.
Be Respectful Towards Each Other: It’s vital to maintain a respectful attitude between parents for the sake of the children. Avoid negative comments about the other parent, as children often feel torn and may blame themselves for any tension they sense between their parents. Even subtle comments or tensions can cause confusion and guilt, especially around holidays when children are most sensitive to family dynamics. Instead, focus on creating a positive environment for them to enjoy the holiday. It can be useful to let other family members know ahead of time your preference to not talk negatively about the other parent.
Be mindful of gift giving: While gifts are often a big part of Christmas, try to avoid using them as a means of competition between parents. Instead of trying to outdo each other with extravagant gifts, focus on giving thoughtful presents that align with the child's interests. This will create a less stressful experience for both parents and children. Some parents still continue to give a present from both parents rather than individual presents to create a strong sense that even though parents are separated they are still united for the children.
Plan for Transitions: Transitions between households on Christmas day can be emotional, especially if children feel torn between parents. Making these transitions as smooth as possible by having well-planned times for pick-ups or drop-offs and preparing children can alleviate some of that stress.
Keep expectations realistic: It's important for parents to recognize that Christmas wont look exactly as it did before. Embrace the change and focus on making the present holiday enjoyable rather than trying to recreate past celebrations.
Christmas is about nurturing a sense of love, security, and joy, ensuring that the holiday is filled with beautiful moments shared between family members, regardless of the circumstances. Ultimately, the goal is to create an environment where children can cherish the magic of Christmas and foster healthy relationships with both parents.
Children wont remember exactly how much time was spent with each parent but will recall the fun times (or the stressful times!) and the quality of relationship with each parent.
